Only 5 Months Till My Birthday!

And I know what I want.

(Now, c'mon.  You know I'm not the only one who plans ahead for their special day)

The Hands of Mercy Outreach Center is a local, non-profit community outreach center which assists those in need in the community whether it be through food, clothing, utility bill assistance, etc.  They hold quarterly Food Pantries where members of the area can come and get much needed grocery and household items.  I have had the pleasure of assisting the Center in their mobile pantries and by donating gently used clothing and household items.

They have recently begun a Weekend Feeding Program which sends a bag of food discreetly in a child's backpack for the weekend.  Here's a hard truth:  many of the children in our community do not eat nutritious food, if at all, when they are not at school.  Many do not eat from the time they leave lunch until they arrive at school the next morning and are served breakfast.  Many have precious little to eat over the weekend.  This is serving a great need.  It took a lot of prayer, hard work and great perseverance to make it happen, and I am so proud that it did.

Here is why I share:
It takes approximately $160 to feed one child for the year.

This is what I want for my birthday:
If merely 15 of my friends will donate $10 for this cause, together we can feed a child for a year in this program.

10 bucks.

I don't need another candle.
I don't need a bottle of lotion.
The good Lord knows I need no jewelry.

But these children.
Need.
Food.

Would you consider partnering with me in this cause?

Consider it my birthday present.
I am donating my birthday to the Hands of Mercy Outreach Center.
My goal:  One child for the year.
(Two including the child I plan to sponsor myself).

Pray about this.
I am working on living with more Intentionality. 
Ask God if He is indeed leading you to serve others in this capacity.
If His answer is yes, please join with me.
You have months to join and I WILL be reminding you.
You will be feeding a hungry child in your own backyard in the name of the Savior.

What more could one ask for on a birthday?

The Purpose-Driven Nancy

Intentionality.

That's weighing heavy on my mind.

It's why I purge.
It's behind my attempt at the 333 Project.
It's the purpose behind my porch time.

I've lived the day-in day-out life of status quo and excuses and negativity.
It didn't work for me.
My life crumbled as a result.

And I learned the value of Intentionality:
Living every day - and moment - with purposeful intention.

I often fall short.
The housework builds and bills stack up and the children...
Why oh why must they be fed every.single.day?

But there is grace.
The precious gift of redemption.
That whisper that reminds me that tomorrow is new and fresh
Filled to the brim with another cup of mercy to strengthen me in my weaknesses.

And I refocus once more on...
Intention.
Purpose.

Making conscious choices rather than falling prey to the "it is what it is" mentality.

These past few days the Spirit has whispered over and over to me...
"Intentionality."

It's time for me to dig a little deeper into my heart to search out my purpose and focus.
To allow Him into the depths that I've hidden away as I've taken on new roles and assumed bigger responsibilities these past couple of years.
To allow myself to be stretched once more deeply out of my comfort zone so that I can be more fully His.
To put my money where my mouth is.
To let go of my attachment to 'stuff'.
To ensure my treasure is eternal.

Intention.
It's mind and heart transformed into Action.

It Really Is This Simple

Walking toward the exit, the once-orphaned now full grown man turns to the woman and says, "Thank you for loving me all those years ago."
She replies, eyes smiling, "Isn't that what it's all about?"

Fade Out.

This was the final scene in a family movie I viewed with my children this past weekend.

A simple, yet profound final statement:

Love.
Isn't that what it's all about?

While I was attending graduate school in Memphis, Tennessee, every semester at least once, a gentleman came and stood on the corner across the road from the Communication building and shouted to students entering campus,
"Repent!  The kingdom of God is near!  Turn from your sinful ways!  Repent!"
While holding a large sign which condemned sinners to hell.

No student ever stopped to talk with this man.
I witnessed sneers and laughter and scoffing. Not repentance.
Finally, unable to walk away again, I went to the man and asked,
"Out of curiosity, how many students have you led to the foot of Jesus?"
He was silent.
I asked again, "Are your methods effective at saving the lost?"
He could not answer.
His intentions were possibly right.
His method was intensely wrong.

How many people are led to the foot of the cross by condemnation?
How many lost are taught the intense love of their Creator and Savior through shouting?
I have my guesses at answers to these questions.
But that is not my main point.

Here is the heart of the matter:
Love.

The apostle Paul tells us this in his letter to the Corintians.
God said it Himself when He chose a tortuous death over eternity without me.

So, why am I saying anything else?
Am I saying to compromise convictions?
Not at all.

But why is that an either/or option?
It isn't.

Love.
Love People.

It really is what it's all about.

That.
And.
Nothing.
Else.

333 Begins Today

The 333 Project:

I shared on Facebook that I am beginning this tomorrow.

This is an experiment in minimalism for me.  
33 items for 3 months: October through December.
Included items are clothing, accessories and shoes.
Excluded items are under-things, sleepwear, and workout wear.
I am no legalist so I have opted for a couple of exceptions to the rules:

1.  October is starting rather warm so I plan to include a handful of warmer weather items for here and there until the weather remains cool.  (If it remains warm for much longer, I will push my experiment to November-January).  The part of the country you live in must be factored in to the timing.
2.  I am excluding weekend/lounging around clothes. My 33 items will be for work, church/public worship time, and going out.
3.  I am excluding outerwear.  The 333 project includes jackets and coats.

As someone who has pursued a more minimalist perspective for a little while now, I am looking forward to this journey.  It was a challenge as I spent quite a while this past Friday going through my clothes and thinking through the weather changes and holidays of the next three months.  I like to plan ahead, but this took that to a whole new level.  And, at first I thought this would be a fun challenge.  As fun as it really has been, it's been more of a challenge than I expected.  I began to plan through some basic clothing options in order to create multiple outfits.  Once I began to add accessories and then shoes...the numbers began adding up.  Then, as I hung all of my clothing options together in one section of the closet so that I would keep track of what I have chosen and have to select from for the next three months, I turned and looked at the remaining clothes in my closet...

Now, let me remind you that I have been on a purging trend for the last couple of years and have easily cut my wardrobe in half over that time.  That being said, I was amazed at what all remained in my closet that I declared 'unusable' for the next three months.

That's the point. At least for me.
I think I'm doing well at using my resources and decluttering and eliminating the unnecessary.
I needed an opportunity to take a deeper look at what I own - at what I consider valuable.

I urge you to look into the 333 project.
Read blogs such as
www.becomingminimalist.com
and
www.theothersideofcomplexity.com
They can encourage you and shed light in a clearer way than I can, that's for sure.

But, I guess I mainly share this so that you can know why I will continue to wear the same basic clothes over the next few months ;)
I'll try to create some variety with accessories.

My poor students - they'll think I own no other clothes.

Maybe, just maybe, this will open a door to conversation.
More than that, I am hoping to re-kindle the embers in my heart of a desire for less.
To get my focus back on what is truly important.

Less does equal more.
I think it's time to dive into that more deeply.

When My Love for Man Grows Weak

A friend of mine recently wrote about being in a funk.
I think we all get there from time to time.  Our funks may be different in cause and content, but we all have those moments when we are just discontent, troubled, weary or even 'done.'

Her writings about her funk forced me to stop and do some hard thinking.
And admitting.
I, too, have been in a funk.
She was questioned on whether or not she was having a crisis of faith-which she was not.
Neither am I.
This is not a crisis of faith or a questioning of God or a struggle in the darkness of trial.
It is simply, for lack of a better way of putting it, a mind funk.

And when I have these seasons of, let's call it 'funkiness', I tend to get quiet.
Because, quite frankly, I don't know what to say.

That.
That right there.
That frustrates me to no end.
I am a problem solver.  I want to assess and then fix.  I want to fix my funk.  I want the answers so I can enact solutions and solve the problems.
I want out of my funk.

But - sometimes there are no answers.   At least, not the kind I've been searching for, anyway.
My funk does not stem from trial or a wavering trust in the Father and His plan and purpose.
My funk stems from people.
They annoy me.
Especially when I expect them to know, and act, better.

It is not news that a deep part of me wants to change the world.
It is not a new thing to hear me say that I am weary of the status quo.
It is not surprising when I come up with another way of challenging the system and myself out of 'doing things the way they've always been done by everyone else.'
I like to swim upstream.  I like to be different.  I am not a bandwagon type of gal.
And I get beyond weary of doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.
(Insanity, anyone?)

I also get weary of talking things to death.
I want to be a woman of action.  I want to try it and see and if it fails, then I learned something for next time.
But, at least, I did something.
I didn't sit around thinking it to death and ultimately deciding it wouldn't work anyway so I gave up.
No - I want to be known at the woman who went out there and gave it her best shot.
And I am sick.to.death. of procedures and committees and meetings and bureaucracy.

Before you 'amen' me...be sure to ask the begging question:
"So, what do you do, then?"

*crickets*
That's where you stump me.
I don't have the answers.
That is where I struggle.
And pray.
And beg God to send me where He needs me to be used.
Because where I am right now is not it.
I don't need to be exalted.
But I want to be needed.
I want to be needed and valued as part of the believing family of God changing the world.

I cannot let the funk win.  Because it sees victory as my relenting to the status quo.
And I cannot let that happen.
But what I, and we, are doing  - Is.Not.Working.

Something has to give.
Ever been there?  Feeling that sense of pushing from the Spirit urging you forward?
Something has to change.

My prayer becomes, once again,
"Lord, change ME."

Why Minimalism?

If you've followed me much here or on Twitter or Facebook, you know that I am actively pursuing a more minimalist lifestyle.  I read blogs and books that encourage more simple living and making conscious choices to assist my family in living a less chaotic life.

It's possible that some folks may think that I have allowed my pursuit of simplicity to overshadow my faith and walk with the Great Love, my Father.  But that could not be less true.  You see, I see the two as inherently connected.  In my journey, the one cannot go without the Other.

Life is hectic.  And often crazy and mostly chaotic.  Work and kids and schedules and house and yard and activities and weekends and...and...and...
More often than not, we spend entirely too much time simply running from one thing to the next on autopilot.

^^^
This is what I am trying to abandon in my life.  That chaos negatively affect my daily peace, my energy, my relationships with my family and loved ones, and my relationship with the Father.  You, too, may find yourself spending more time than you care to admit simply surviving from one moment/activity/event to the next.

Is your kitchen a disaster?
Do you have more than one 'junk drawer'?
Do you have a location where all mail/bills get dumped that is overflowing in papers and clutter?
Do you have a pile of clean and/or dirty laundry waiting to be addressed at all times?
Let's go further...
Do you have books you've never read or have read multiple times just taking up space?
Do you still have toys/clothes from your children's younger years that they do not/cannot use? 
Do you still have clothes in your own closet you never wear?

These are only a few examples.  But here is my point:
Any and everything like this that takes away from my time with my children and the Father is time wasted.  So, I began to simplify.  Eliminate.  Clean out.

I got weary of my time being so wasted.

I am not 'there' yet.  I am not where I desire to be.  But I am getting there. Since I began this journey around 2 years ago, I find that cleaning up, putting away, straightening up takes significantly less time than it used to.  One tip I've heard often is to spend a little time cleaning up each day so that things don't pile up.  I want to take it a step further.  Eliminating the majority of the 'junk' around my house has automatically shaved hours off of my clean up time.  There's less to clean up.  It is that simple.

How often do you feel guilty for sitting and relaxing with your favorite steamy beverage because you have 'so much to do'?  If you eliminate part of your 'to do' list, you have more time...
To rest
To breathe
To meditate
To pray

For me, this movement toward simplicity and minimalism has been a movement to live a more purposeful life.  I make more conscious decisions about what we do and when.  I also am more keenly aware of the god of 'stuff' that this culture has bowed in reverence to for far too long.  Eliminating more and more 'stuff' from my possession has freed me to focus on the worship the Creator of all things rather than the things themselves.

Like I said, I am still finding my way.  Having a few full-time job has presented new challenges along the way.  But God provides assistance along the way when I need it.

The bottom line is I am done with the auto-pilot life.  Sometimes that means throwing something away.  Sometimes that means saying "No."  Sometimes that means doing things differently than others around me and getting funny looks along the way.

And I am totally ok with that.
It's not the first time and surely won't be the last.
;)

A Leap of Faith

What is holding you back?

Sit and relish some silence for a moment.
Close your eyes and breathe deeply.
Wait a minute.

Now think...
What is it you are really, really, I mean REALLY wanting to do?
Something bold.  And daring.
Maybe even scary.

Now:
Why aren't you doing it?
Sit and ponder that thought a moment.

For me, and probably many of us, several things hold me back from those steps of faith:
Comfort.
I don't always enjoy getting pushed outside of my comfort zone. I like my neat and tidy world.
Fear.
Of the unknown.  Of how my leap will be received.  Of rejection.  Of ridicule.
Of
Failure.

But, most of the time what holds me back is worry over my children.
I want so desperately to make the best possible decisions for them while at the same time not giving into the world's and the church's acceptance of status quo.
"It is what it is" - my most hated phrase ever.
I've made bad decisions that did affect my children. 
Decisions that created regret that I fight every day of my life.
I don't want to do that again.
I want my children happy.
Joyful.
Peaceful.
I want them to enjoy what's left of their childhood while assimilating into the world around them with ease....
*screech*
Wait, what?

Really?
 That's how I act.  That's what I am telling them each time I choose the safe route over the faith walk out of the boat.
My boat of comfort.
My boat of familiarity.

Truth:  I do NOT want my children assimiliting into their culture with ease.
I want my children to be counter the culture in which they are growing.
And simply taking them to church and immersing them into youth group will not accomplish that.

I worry about my children. 
I worry about their future.
I worry about their hearts.
And their souls.
Because they are already living a life they did not choose and, no matter how you try to spin it, they are struggling with it and I will not deny them their struggle.

But I do them no favors by leading only along safe paths.
And by doing that, I teach them that faith is a concept we talk about at church but don't live in our everyday lives.

As parents, often the biggest challenge to our faith is our children.
Are we trusting the Almighty God, their true Father and the Father of all, with our children?
Because, let's face it, they're not ours anyway.
They are simply on loan to us for a short time.

And when I stand before the Father, will I be able to tell Him that I provided my children a safe and happy life? 

Or will I be able to stand, side by side with children turned Faith-Warriors, and hear the words, "Well done"?

It's scary.  But I have them only for a while.
And it's time to take some bigger leaps of faith.
And trust...
Their Father.

An Update

There has been a great amount of change the last few months in my world.
I thought I'd spend a moment playing catch up.

Three months ago I received pretty unnerving news about my job. I was an adjunct instructor at a local community college and hours were being cut due to larger changes in the world. Everyone who knows me knows how I adore my job.  And I was broken-hearted at the thought that I might not be able to do it much longer.  Cut hours meant me having to look for other work.  It meant putting the house on the market.  It meant major changes for my family.  I am ok with change.  Much better than I was in my youth.  I just didn't want to leave my job.  And I couldn't imagine why God would ask me to.

So I got on my knees.

The thing is, everyone I talked to from my workplace said the same thing:
"Pray about it, Nancy.  God has a plan.  He will lead you."
I did not want to leave this place.  This place where my faith is encouraged and strengthened.

Within a few weeks three opportunities crossed my desk: all at this same college.

Two panned out.
I sit here today a full-time instructor at this same college, doing what I love with people I adore.
I just now get paid more and receive benefits ;)

The house is not on the market.  I keep it for my children.  They've had so much change thrown at them for so long, I wanted to be able to provide at least one thing they can count on:
Home.

Now Listen:  These things I know:
Home is where your family is, not the building where they abide.
And I knew beyond a doubt that God had a plan in the midst of the uncertainty and that He would lead me to where He wanted me to be.
And I trusted that plan. Even if it was an uncomfortable one.
I've been in that place where the whole world crumbled.
This was not like that.

But, He answered and provided.  In a big way as this was an opportunity I've waited 18 years for.
I could not be more excited.
It is a challenge and I already have moments of self-doubt and feeling overwhelmed.
But I have great teammates and new friends and an even broader vision of the great place where I work.
I truly love my job.  And my workplace.

Thank you God, Jehovah Jireh, my Provider.
His grace is sufficient.
I am truly blessed.

I Am Better Than You

Whew!
I am so glad I got that off my chest.
Now that that's behind us, let's chat.

Women are horrible.
We think men are competitive?  Just sit and watch a group of women when another woman enters a room.  You can almost read their minds as they spend the next minute or two checking her out:

She's fatter/taller/skinnier/prettier/homelier than me.
Does she think that hairstyle looks good?
I wish my smile looked like hers.
Why does she walk that way?
Does she have a tattoo?!?

And that's just the judgment based on appearances.
We are cruel.

And we compare status:
Working mom
Stay at home mom
Homeschooling mom

And marriages.  And husbands.  And income. 
Houses and cars.
Dinner menus and social circles.

What's worse than the comparisons is the defensiveness we display.
We introduce ourselves to others with the auto-defense statements like:
"I homeschool.  You know, I have those (insert finger quotes) 'unsocialized' kids."
"I have a second job on the side.  You know, I had no choice since my husband left me broke."
"Oh you cook supper every night?  Must be nice to have that kind of time to kill!"

Awful.

Let me just clear the air for a moment.
We are, most of us, sincerely trying our best.
It's time to cut ourselves, and each other, some slack.
If we are comparing, or are defensive, we are struggling with deep feelings of fear, inadequacy, judgment, or guilt.
Quit it.
Breathe in some grace.
Shower some onto the mom next to you who is also trying her best and making the exact opposite choices you are.  Neither of you is right.  Neither of you is 'better.'
Some of us are in circumstances not of our choosing and we are making it the best we can.
Others did choose our path and did so based on what we saw best for our family.
It is ok to do things a bit differently.
Share ideas.
Encourage each other.
Learn from each other.
And chill out the defensiveness and snarky-ness.

We are called to encourage one another and, let's face it...
Who among us couldn't use an 'atta girl' now and then?
A pat on the back
A warm smile and a hug
A simple statement of: "I believe in you."

So whether you're a homeschooling mom still in your jammies or the working outside the home mom with your commuter coffee mug and briefcase-
Here's to you!
Keep on keeping on doing your best at all you do!

And the next time you see someone doing it differently,
Raise your coffee mug to her as well.
She needs it.


What do you mean you don't drink coffee?!?
That's it.
I'm shunning you.  Again.

;)

A Summer Storm

It pierces the night.
The lightning.
It rattles the panes.
The thunder.

Rising, I make the coffee and turn on the news to make sure it is only
A Storm.

Already awake, I wait and watch as the dark skies are pierced
Over and over
With the bold flashes of light.

Slowly and quietly, I ascend the stairs to make sure the children are still sleeping.

And there she sits, straight up in my bed, looking for me.

The storm has awakened her.
And she was waiting.
For me to tell her all is well.
"Lie down, sweet girl.  It's just a summer storm.  It will pass.  Go back to sleep."
And, assured, sleep she does.

And I remember another storm.
And scared to death sailors.
And a sleeping master.
Who, when awakened, not by the storm but by the crying men, commanded peace.
And their amazement.
And his bewilderment at their lack of faith.

And I remember my storms.
My worries. My fears.
Every sleepless night I lie awake with worry. Anxiety.
Every unanswered question.  Every curveball.  Every unexpected turn.

There are no unknowns to God.
There is no moment He is bolted awake in fear from a storm.
He is the one, standing nearby, alert and watchful, 
Reassuring me:

"Lie down, my child.  It's only a storm.  It will pass.  Rest."
Matthew 11:28-29

The Center of It All

This.

This is what I want you to know:

"When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God."

~Eph 3:14-19 (NLT)

On each letter I send to my Compassion child, Ndungutse, in Rwanda, I include these words from scripture.  Each and every time.  Because if he gets nothing else from our correspondence, I want him to know this:

God's love.  It is overwhelming.  All-encompassing.

Deep.

Powerful.

And never, ever, ending.

It is the center of our very being.

The source of breath in our lungs.

And the answer to every question uttered.

And if we allow ourselves to fully surrender to the knowledge that we all are:

Relentlessly

Passionately

Shamelessly

Loved by the Almighty God of the Universe

We CAN change the world.

Because we, ourselves, will be forever changed.

It eliminates greed, envy, hatred and bitterness.

It cultivates generosity, compassion, and forgiveness.

It is a life-altering Love.

So, if you get anything from knowing me.

From reading my scattered words.

From seeing my face from time to time.

Or hearing my voice on occasion.

Know this:

YOU

are 

LOVED

Infinitely.

PS - In his most recent letter to me, Ndungutse referenced this scripture back to me.

Heart = Melted

Never forget.

When You Need to Remember The Truth

Curled up in a pile of sheets and pillows, the stillness of the night creeping in, there she sat.
Alone.
And broken.
Weeping from the depths of her soul.
As he stared blankly into her swollen eyes
And
Walked
Away.

And every moment she would think she had cried all she could, more tears began to flow.

Maybe you're this woman.
Maybe you've been told how very not worth it you are.
Maybe you've been walked out on,
Your heart trampled as feet exited your life.
Maybe you've had family, friends, loves and lives
Tell you
You're.Not.Worth.It.
You're not capable of love.
It's YOUR fault.

Unworthy.
Unloved.
Incapable.

All you needed was some tiny shred of hope that maybe
Just maybe
Someone loves you at least a little.
And that would be all you needed to hold on tight.
And not give up.

Maybe you've sat 
Wondering why you're even here
And considering the unthinkable.
Because, after all, 'they' are better off without you around.
Anyway.

Maybe you've been shattered on the rocks
Your entire life crumbled beneath your feet
Nothing remotely close to hold on to
Flailing
Drowning
Gasping
Sinking
Alone you've cried.
Broken.

Let me remind you of another One
Broken
and
Shattered.

Alone in the middle of the night
Tears streaming forth
Begging
For
Reprieve

And yet

Would rather have died an unspeakably brutal death
Than to live
Another moment

Without

You.

And He did.
For.
You.

And He tells you:
You are worth it.
You are loved.
You are cherished.
Never.
Forget.

And if you do, I will remind you,
You precious child of the Most High King.

When all hope is lost and nothing makes sense and the silence of your solitude becomes deafening to the point of madness

Know this Truth

There is One who has embarked on a 
Passionate Pursuit of YOUR Heart

And His Love Never Fails.

Never.