A Leap of Faith

What is holding you back?

Sit and relish some silence for a moment.
Close your eyes and breathe deeply.
Wait a minute.

Now think...
What is it you are really, really, I mean REALLY wanting to do?
Something bold.  And daring.
Maybe even scary.

Now:
Why aren't you doing it?
Sit and ponder that thought a moment.

For me, and probably many of us, several things hold me back from those steps of faith:
Comfort.
I don't always enjoy getting pushed outside of my comfort zone. I like my neat and tidy world.
Fear.
Of the unknown.  Of how my leap will be received.  Of rejection.  Of ridicule.
Of
Failure.

But, most of the time what holds me back is worry over my children.
I want so desperately to make the best possible decisions for them while at the same time not giving into the world's and the church's acceptance of status quo.
"It is what it is" - my most hated phrase ever.
I've made bad decisions that did affect my children. 
Decisions that created regret that I fight every day of my life.
I don't want to do that again.
I want my children happy.
Joyful.
Peaceful.
I want them to enjoy what's left of their childhood while assimilating into the world around them with ease....
*screech*
Wait, what?

Really?
 That's how I act.  That's what I am telling them each time I choose the safe route over the faith walk out of the boat.
My boat of comfort.
My boat of familiarity.

Truth:  I do NOT want my children assimiliting into their culture with ease.
I want my children to be counter the culture in which they are growing.
And simply taking them to church and immersing them into youth group will not accomplish that.

I worry about my children. 
I worry about their future.
I worry about their hearts.
And their souls.
Because they are already living a life they did not choose and, no matter how you try to spin it, they are struggling with it and I will not deny them their struggle.

But I do them no favors by leading only along safe paths.
And by doing that, I teach them that faith is a concept we talk about at church but don't live in our everyday lives.

As parents, often the biggest challenge to our faith is our children.
Are we trusting the Almighty God, their true Father and the Father of all, with our children?
Because, let's face it, they're not ours anyway.
They are simply on loan to us for a short time.

And when I stand before the Father, will I be able to tell Him that I provided my children a safe and happy life? 

Or will I be able to stand, side by side with children turned Faith-Warriors, and hear the words, "Well done"?

It's scary.  But I have them only for a while.
And it's time to take some bigger leaps of faith.
And trust...
Their Father.

An Update

There has been a great amount of change the last few months in my world.
I thought I'd spend a moment playing catch up.

Three months ago I received pretty unnerving news about my job. I was an adjunct instructor at a local community college and hours were being cut due to larger changes in the world. Everyone who knows me knows how I adore my job.  And I was broken-hearted at the thought that I might not be able to do it much longer.  Cut hours meant me having to look for other work.  It meant putting the house on the market.  It meant major changes for my family.  I am ok with change.  Much better than I was in my youth.  I just didn't want to leave my job.  And I couldn't imagine why God would ask me to.

So I got on my knees.

The thing is, everyone I talked to from my workplace said the same thing:
"Pray about it, Nancy.  God has a plan.  He will lead you."
I did not want to leave this place.  This place where my faith is encouraged and strengthened.

Within a few weeks three opportunities crossed my desk: all at this same college.

Two panned out.
I sit here today a full-time instructor at this same college, doing what I love with people I adore.
I just now get paid more and receive benefits ;)

The house is not on the market.  I keep it for my children.  They've had so much change thrown at them for so long, I wanted to be able to provide at least one thing they can count on:
Home.

Now Listen:  These things I know:
Home is where your family is, not the building where they abide.
And I knew beyond a doubt that God had a plan in the midst of the uncertainty and that He would lead me to where He wanted me to be.
And I trusted that plan. Even if it was an uncomfortable one.
I've been in that place where the whole world crumbled.
This was not like that.

But, He answered and provided.  In a big way as this was an opportunity I've waited 18 years for.
I could not be more excited.
It is a challenge and I already have moments of self-doubt and feeling overwhelmed.
But I have great teammates and new friends and an even broader vision of the great place where I work.
I truly love my job.  And my workplace.

Thank you God, Jehovah Jireh, my Provider.
His grace is sufficient.
I am truly blessed.

I Am Better Than You

Whew!
I am so glad I got that off my chest.
Now that that's behind us, let's chat.

Women are horrible.
We think men are competitive?  Just sit and watch a group of women when another woman enters a room.  You can almost read their minds as they spend the next minute or two checking her out:

She's fatter/taller/skinnier/prettier/homelier than me.
Does she think that hairstyle looks good?
I wish my smile looked like hers.
Why does she walk that way?
Does she have a tattoo?!?

And that's just the judgment based on appearances.
We are cruel.

And we compare status:
Working mom
Stay at home mom
Homeschooling mom

And marriages.  And husbands.  And income. 
Houses and cars.
Dinner menus and social circles.

What's worse than the comparisons is the defensiveness we display.
We introduce ourselves to others with the auto-defense statements like:
"I homeschool.  You know, I have those (insert finger quotes) 'unsocialized' kids."
"I have a second job on the side.  You know, I had no choice since my husband left me broke."
"Oh you cook supper every night?  Must be nice to have that kind of time to kill!"

Awful.

Let me just clear the air for a moment.
We are, most of us, sincerely trying our best.
It's time to cut ourselves, and each other, some slack.
If we are comparing, or are defensive, we are struggling with deep feelings of fear, inadequacy, judgment, or guilt.
Quit it.
Breathe in some grace.
Shower some onto the mom next to you who is also trying her best and making the exact opposite choices you are.  Neither of you is right.  Neither of you is 'better.'
Some of us are in circumstances not of our choosing and we are making it the best we can.
Others did choose our path and did so based on what we saw best for our family.
It is ok to do things a bit differently.
Share ideas.
Encourage each other.
Learn from each other.
And chill out the defensiveness and snarky-ness.

We are called to encourage one another and, let's face it...
Who among us couldn't use an 'atta girl' now and then?
A pat on the back
A warm smile and a hug
A simple statement of: "I believe in you."

So whether you're a homeschooling mom still in your jammies or the working outside the home mom with your commuter coffee mug and briefcase-
Here's to you!
Keep on keeping on doing your best at all you do!

And the next time you see someone doing it differently,
Raise your coffee mug to her as well.
She needs it.


What do you mean you don't drink coffee?!?
That's it.
I'm shunning you.  Again.

;)