Springtime Brattiness

Recently I faced another big blow.
I received bad news.
All of my plans and hard work and goal achieving seemed down the tubes based upon this information.

And I threw one hellacious fit.

Justified, I screamed. I cried.  I threw things. I broke things.
And I. Was. Ugly.
To just about everyone but especially to the one who caused all of this trouble.
The nerve!
The complete inconsideration!
The utter selfishness!

Yep.  I sure showed it.

Here's the gut-wrenching truth:
I acted like a big, fat baby.
A spoiled rotten teen who didn't get her way, I showed out in ultimate bratty form.

It took a long, painful porch chat to face what I already knew in my gut but was denying:
The true reason I was upset was not because someone wronged me.
It was because I didn't get my way.
I had set goals and worked hard to achieve them - and never once placed God's plan ahead of my own.
If He wanted me to accomplish what I was working to accomplish: I would have made it by now.
That's the truth.
So I ask myself, once more: Why do I refuse to trust Him?

The world would tell me that yes, I had a right to be upset and what I faced was a very significant blow to my goals and plans.
The Spirit would say, "What a foolish issue to get so bent out of shape over."
It was a true sign that my feet are too firmly planted in this world.

I don't know what the future holds.
I do know that I am weary of trudging over this same ground day after day, year after year.
I am tired of the same questions and conversations and prayers.
I am ready to be making forward progress.  And I am not sure what that means.
But I trust God to lead and answer my questions.
And I trust that this latest bit of worldly bad news was just another answer from my Great Love that I simply didn't want to hear in the moment.
He has my future - if I will simply let it go.

And speaking of  "Let It Go"...

Kintsukuroi

The great philosopher Jon Bon Jovi once penned, "Everybody's Broken."
It's true.
We may feel like we are the only ones somedays.
We see friends at church or peruse social media where everyone puts their best face forward and we think, "Maybe it's me."

It's not.

A friend of mine recently asked me when the 'broken' season would be over.
She got me to pondering.

I'm not sure it ever ends.

Yet, that doesn't have to be a negative.

My broken season was my greatest.  If you've followed me, you understand why.
When I became broken was when I found my True Love in the Creator and my life has not been the same since.  Still, I didn't necessarily enjoy the process of breaking: Becoming Broken.
But being broken is who I am.
Do I mean living in my pain and woe and dredging it up every chance I get?
Do I mean feeling sorry for myself?
Do I mean embracing bitterness?
Not in any way at all.

On the contrary, it is only through my brokenness that God can truly shine through.
If I am whole and complete in me, then I am the only one seen.
And that is a poor image to behold.
Only through my cracks and breaks can the Love of the God of the Universe truly be seen and shine through.

And honestly, that is what I want.
For Him (and Him alone) to be what others see.

What an honor.
To be chosen by the King of Kings as a vessel for His light to shine through.
Oh, my prayer:
Please God:  Never seal up my broken cracks with anything but your Love.

It is the only thing worth seeing.