Springtime Brattiness

Recently I faced another big blow.
I received bad news.
All of my plans and hard work and goal achieving seemed down the tubes based upon this information.

And I threw one hellacious fit.

Justified, I screamed. I cried.  I threw things. I broke things.
And I. Was. Ugly.
To just about everyone but especially to the one who caused all of this trouble.
The nerve!
The complete inconsideration!
The utter selfishness!

Yep.  I sure showed it.

Here's the gut-wrenching truth:
I acted like a big, fat baby.
A spoiled rotten teen who didn't get her way, I showed out in ultimate bratty form.

It took a long, painful porch chat to face what I already knew in my gut but was denying:
The true reason I was upset was not because someone wronged me.
It was because I didn't get my way.
I had set goals and worked hard to achieve them - and never once placed God's plan ahead of my own.
If He wanted me to accomplish what I was working to accomplish: I would have made it by now.
That's the truth.
So I ask myself, once more: Why do I refuse to trust Him?

The world would tell me that yes, I had a right to be upset and what I faced was a very significant blow to my goals and plans.
The Spirit would say, "What a foolish issue to get so bent out of shape over."
It was a true sign that my feet are too firmly planted in this world.

I don't know what the future holds.
I do know that I am weary of trudging over this same ground day after day, year after year.
I am tired of the same questions and conversations and prayers.
I am ready to be making forward progress.  And I am not sure what that means.
But I trust God to lead and answer my questions.
And I trust that this latest bit of worldly bad news was just another answer from my Great Love that I simply didn't want to hear in the moment.
He has my future - if I will simply let it go.

And speaking of  "Let It Go"...